Head in the Clouds

A Lost Opportunity

I sent a condolence letter yesterday. It was about a second cousin of mine who’d had peritoneal cancer. Although I hadn’t seen her for years, we were the same age and had played together as kids on family visits. Meaning she was only 52—my age—when she died. 

I was pleased, though, to have actually sent the condolence letter, because I have a history of not getting them out. It’s not that I don’t care, although it might look that way. If I can do it online, I’m good—like yesterday. But getting a nice card, a thoughtful note, the address, and a stamp all together in the same place at the same time stymies me, no matter how much I’m moved to express my sympathy. On an old to-do list of mine are several condolence letters I’ve never written. They’re a heavy weight.

Just last fall, this cousin’s mother—my mom’s cousin—also died of peritoneal cancer. Right away, I e-mailed letters of condolence to my second cousin and one of her brothers.

But the e-mail addresses were old, and my messages bounced back to me. I meant to figure out where to send snail mail to this cousin and her brother. I would like to have connected with her in this small way before she died. But I never got around to it. 

I once heard someone say that lost opportunities go hand in hand with ADD. I definitely lost this opportunity.

And there’s one more little piece. For some reason, I ended up on the phone with my mom’s cousin—the mother of my second cousin—a couple years ago. We had a nice chat. And we ended up talking about ADD. Someone she knew had it—I don’t remember who.

I said I’d send her some of my favorite ADD resources. But that task ended up as just one of the many aging items on my to-do list. And, as it turns out, as another lost opportunity.

CaringBridge provides free websites that help families, friends, and the larger community keep in touch through "critical illness, treatment, and recovery"—or not. Looks to be extrememly helpful for anyone, but could be particularly useful for people with organizational challenges. Although I would love to have known earlier about the website there for my cousin, at least the site enabled me to send a letter of condolence when my branch of the family did find out about it.

My Best on Mother's Day, Whether or Not You're a Mom

I slipped her in under the wire. My daughter, I mean. I was 42 when I gave birth to her, my first and only child. Whew. Motherhood is a pretty big thing to put off till the last minute.

ADD certainly played a role. I wonder if I might have become a mother earlier if I'd been less scattered, more decisive, and more comfortable with myself. I ended up wandering through a lot of relationships before I married my daughter's father—and before I finally started using the basal body thermometer to get pregnant.

Years ago, an infertility experience also delayed my foray into motherhood. On Mother's Day, I send a particularly heartfelt greeting to anyone who has wanted to become a parent but who has not, for whatever reason.

To moms with ADD and mothers of ADD kids, I send my greeting by video. (OK, it didn't work perfectly, but it's a hoot!)

Follow Me on Twitter—or Not

I got myself on Twitter (the microblogging platform) a little over a month ago. It's a great place to connect with other people with ADD! A great place to find links to information about ADD—and everything else! A great place to spend hours without even noticing!

I invite you to follow me on Twitter (I'm kathwriter). But first, you might want to read this blog post by ADD coach Robert Gordon: "Twitter is Great for ADHDers. But Proceed with Caution." (By the way, I found Gordon and his blog on Twitter.)

I'm not spending as much time wandering on Twitter as I did at first. Here's what's helped me manage my tweeting time so far:

• I downloaded TweetDeck, a sort of browser for Twitter. I set up a group for people I follow who have an interest in ADD, and I set up a search for the hashtag #adhd. So I can check out tweets in just those two columns, minimizing the risk of getting pulled in by links to photos of Gaudí's Sagrada Familia, a webcam of peregrine falcon chicks, or an interview with Dolly Parton.

• I turned off TweetDeck's notification sounds, so they don't pull me in when I've minimized TweetDeck. (And so they don't interrupt online guided meditations!) I definitely don't have Twitter running all the time on some corner of my desktop.  

• I favorite messages with links I might want to check out, instead of following all interesting links immediately. (That's what really gets me into trouble!) So I haven't  lost the links to the peregrine falcons or Dolly Parton, even though I haven't checked them out yet.

• I let go of the urge to be thorough and not miss anything. Well, I'm working on that one.