Haunted by Homework

People sometimes repress memories of traumatic events in their lives. I have hardly any memories of doing homework when I was growing up. Was it that traumatic for me?

I do remember trying to write a summary of the Nutcracker one night in fourth or fifth grade. Despite all my mom’s cajoling, I couldn’t combine all those scenes in the Land of Sweets into one concept. It got later and later, and all I could do was laboriously describe each part—the Chinese and Spanish and Arabian dancers, the waltzing flowers, the Sugar Plum Fairy. 

I have one other memory—of doing math problems in pencil on blue-lined paper. But that’s about it.

I do remember vividly, however, how much I hated homework, especially as I got into high school. I was particularly scornful of worksheets on which you mindlessly spit back facts.

My dad does have memories of me doing homework. When I was supposedly working, he told me once, he or my mom would sometimes come in to check on me. “It would seem like you’d been daydreaming,” he said. “When we asked how you were coming along, you’d get angry.”

I assume now that my anger was defensiveness. I could spend hours at the piano composing dreamy atonal music. But I suspect I had a pretty hard time getting started and staying focused on work that wasn’t creative and engrossing. Not that I have a great idea of how to do that even now, in my 50s. But I have some strategies beyond just gutting through it. And I have a little less shame.

So, now that my daughter has started fourth grade, homework is back to reactivate the trauma. More on that in an upcoming post. 

Comments

[Sara Anderson]

My understanding is that traumatic memories are recalled more clearly than most, rather than actually repressed.

I've recently discovered how often attention is confused for memory. You can't remember things you never noticed to begin with.

[Kathleen]

It's my understanding that either can happen with memories of traumatic events. You might repress a particularly traumatic memory, or it might haunt you--like you alluded to--in the form of intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and even hallucinations.

I don't think I really experienced homework as serious trauma. But it is interesting how little I remember about doing it.

I love your comment about attention and memory. I've sometimes noticed that in myself, maybe forgotten something someone just told me and felt a bit of fear about memory loss, but then realized my head had been somewhere else entirely.

[Tony Bozzuto]

Nothing is improved without practice. This applies to sports, art, games, cooking, writing or anything you can possibly think of including many subjects taught in school. Math and science in particular come to mind. The concepts are taught in school but the time to practice to raise most students' skill level to some minimum is insufficient. This attitude can only result in graduating students who are not only insufficiently trained but also but also not likely to improve themselves in any area that they don't have an extraordinary interest.